So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Barsexuality is the new black.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
