I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
