i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
