is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize