i was born a porn star she said
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
