just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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