ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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