I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
