I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
