i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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