just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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