I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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