Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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