Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
