I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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