so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
