walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize