ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it hurts more in the daytime
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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