Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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