It's like God shit irony all over that family
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
