shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
