Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize