I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
