just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
