as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
