i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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