Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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