Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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