I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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