I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
