your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
