So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
