Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
