How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
