Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
