would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
