Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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