I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
