He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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