I wanna bring you to show and tell
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
