I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
