She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
