Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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