I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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