need another drink. this is the easiest way
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
