Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
