i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
