I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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