ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
