your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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