I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
