mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
