yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
