If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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