Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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