he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
