So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
