After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
