you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
