we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How does it feel to date your dad?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
