oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
