Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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