idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
