I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Randomize
