Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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