Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
