If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
