Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
